Yeah yeah…I know this blog is supposed to be essential oil related. There is a message on my heart though, and I can’t keep it to myself. What if there is someone else out there that needs to hear it?
It’s okay to not be okay…
Is what I tell myself over and over again.
Sometimes I even believe it.
Anxiety is one of those pesky invisible illnesses.
The ones we pretend our friends don’t have,
For our own convenience.
I’m okay with that, it’s the loneliness though.
We silently suffer most of the time
With a giant weight on our chest,
Water in our lungs,
As we forget how to breathe.
It may just look like a deep breath to you.
Maybe a yawn or sigh.
To us though, anxiety traps us in our minds.
We try to focus on breathing,
and coming up for air.
We tell anxiety that we’re in control.
That we’re okay, and this will pass.
We beg it to stop, and try to focus again.
We feel like we’re never going to find that breath.
And then finally we do.
We feel a little better,
Almost a functioning human again.
I don’t really know if that’s a poem, or what. It felt right to express it in that format though. It can be incredibly difficult and frustrating to explain anxiety to someone who doesn’t experience it. They ask you what’s wrong, and you don’t have an answer, yet you still wonder why they don’t know how to help you. They ask you to get over it, but you’re still analyzing every single thing that happened days ago. They ask you to go somewhere, and don’t understand why you can’t this time. It’s confusing, and it’s something I’ve experienced for over 15 years. That’s half my life wondering if this weight will ever permanently be lifted off my chest. Half my life I’ve picked apart every single situation I’ve been in. Half of my life I’ve worried constantly. Half my life I’ve stayed mostly quiet in conversations, in fear of sounding dumb. Half my life of sitting in the back of a crowd. Half my life I’ve had to drag myself out of bed each morning, and hope that the day doesn’t have anything unexpected pop up.
From someone else’s perspective though, everything may look fine, and sometimes it really is. I’m a mom of a beautiful toddler, the wife to a hilarious husband, and I’m running a home-based business, while semi-having my crap together most days. I’ve tried to run from anxiety, I’ve tried to ignore it, and I’ve tried to pretend like everything is okay, in fear of being thought of as crazy again. You know what though? Maybe I am a little crazy, and maybe you are too. We still deserve happiness though. We deserve to release everything that we are holding on to. One of the first steps in doing so is to truly and fully believe that it’s okay to not be okay all of the time. We don’t have to be ashamed of what we can’t control. It’s okay to recognize our limits, and take a step back when we need to. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to talk to a professional. It’s okay to turn off all noises, and just breathe for a bit. It’s okay to let someone know that you need them. It’s okay to cry, and it’s okay to accept and even ask for a hug. It’s okay to forgive ourselves for not being okay on those bad days. And it’s okay to believe that we deserve to be okay, genuinely okay.
If you’ve ever experienced anxiety, leave a comment below with your favorite coping technique, and/or what you are doing for self care. I personally love to add 3-5 drops of Young Living’s Copaiba Vitality essential oil into a veggie capsule and take it 2 times a day. I also enjoy some yoga at home, when I muster up enough energy and motivation to actually do it, and to read self development books. What’s your favorite?
(Tip : If you know someone who has anxiety, the most valuable thing you could do is to let them know you aren’t going anywhere. That they matter to you, and that you are here for them. Sometimes it’s that simple, but you may need to say it quite often.)